How do we plan travel when we share custody?
It demands specific systems, clear communication protocols, and a willingness to negotiate details you never imagined discussing with someone you used to share a toothbrush holder with.
Start with your custody agreement
Pull out your custody agreement right now. Not the mental version you think you remember—the actual document. Find the section about vacations and travel. Most agreements include specific language about notice periods, travel restrictions, and how vacation time gets allocated. Mine requires 60 days written notice for any trip lasting more than three consecutive days. Yours might say 30 days. Or 90. The number matters less than knowing it.
If your agreement lacks detail about travel, you’ll need to establish your own protocols. This means sitting down with your co-parent (yes, actually sitting down, not firing off texts between meetings) and creating a framework. Here’s what to cover:
- How much advance notice you’ll each provide for trips
- Whether makeup time is required when travel occurs during the other parent’s scheduled time
- How you’ll handle overlapping vacation requests
- International travel requirements and passport custody
- Emergency contact protocols while traveling
Build a shared calendar system that actually works
Forget the magnetic calendar on your fridge. When you’re coordinating travel as co parents, you need digital calendars that sync in real-time. Use Google Calendar or similar, but the platform matters less than the execution. Here’s how to set it up:
Create three separate calendars within your account: one for your parenting schedule, one for kids’ activities, and one for proposed travel. Share all three with your co-parent with editing permissions. Yes, editing permissions. This isn’t about control—it’s about functionality.
Color-code everything. In your system, your parenting days could be blue, your ex-partner green. School events purple. Proposed travel appears in orange until confirmed, then changes to red. When either of us considers a trip, add it to the calendar immediately as “Proposed: [destination and dates].” This gives the other parent visual notice before any formal discussion.
The key is updating in real-time. The moment you start researching flights, add it to the calendar. When the school sends home the field trip form, add it. This transparency prevents the “I told you about this” arguments that derail co-parenting relationships.
Master the art of travel notices
Written notices feel formal and awkward, especially when you’re texting about pickup times and homework folders daily. But travel notices serve a different purpose—they create a paper trail and force both parents to think through details.
Keep a template on your phone’s notes app. When you need to send a travel notice, copy it, fill in the specifics, and send via email (with a text heads-up that the email is coming). Here’s the template:
Subject: Travel Notice – [Child’s name] – [Dates]
Hi [Co-parent’s name],
Per our custody agreement, I’m providing notice of planned travel:
Travel dates: [Departure date and time] to [Return date and time]
Destination: [City, State/Country]
Accommodation: [Hotel name and address or “staying with family”]
Transportation: [Flight numbers or “driving”]
Contact during travel: [Your phone number and alternate emergency contact]
Impact on parenting schedule: [Any missed days and proposed makeup time]
Please confirm receipt and let me know if you have any concerns.
[Your name]
This format eliminates guesswork. Your co-parent knows where your child will be, how to reach them, and what schedule adjustments you’re proposing. More importantly, you’ve met your legal notice requirements.
Navigate the scheduling chess game
Here’s where traveling co parents often stumble: the negotiation. You want to take your kids to Disney during your ex’s week. They want to visit family during yours. The calendars become weapons instead of tools.
Stop thinking in terms of “giving up” time. Start thinking in trades. For example: “I’d like to take the kids to visit my parents March 10-12, which falls during your weekend. Would you like to swap for my weekend of March 24-26, or would you prefer to extend your spring break time by two days?”
Notice what I did there. I acknowledged it was thier time. I proposed specific alternatives. I gave agency in the solution. This approach works because it respects the existing schedule while seeking flexibility.
For bigger trips, start the conversation months in advance.
Handle the passport problem
If you plan international travel, passport custody becomes its own challenge. Some custody agreements specify who holds the passport. Many don’t. Here’s what works: treat the passport like any other important document that moves between houses.
Put the passport in an envelope labeled “PASSPORT – Return to Other Parent After Trip.” Whoever has upcoming international travel holds the passport, but it must be transferred within 48 hours after returning. Document each transfer with a simple text: “Passport transferred to you today at pickup.”
For the actual travel, you’ll need either notarized consent from your co-parent or a copy of your custody agreement showing you have authority to travel. Create a standard consent letter that includes:
- Your child’s full name and date of birth
- Your full name and relationship to child
- Travel dates and destinations
- Statement of consent from the other parent
- Both parents’ contact information
- Notary section
Keep multiple notarized copies. Border agents don’t always ask, but when they do, you’ll be grateful for the preparation.
Manage the money conversation
Travel costs don’t typically fall under standard child support calculations. Unless your agreement specifies otherwise, each parent funds their own travel with the kids. But gray areas emerge quickly. Who pays for the passport? What about the travel baseball team’s tournament in another state?
For shared activities like travel sports, create a separate tracking system. Use a shared spreadsheet where you log travel-related expenses. Hotel rooms, gas, tournament fees—everything goes in the spreadsheet with receipts attached. At month’s end, calculate who owes whom.
For optional travel, the planning parent pays. But here’s the important part: be transparent about the trip’s scope with your co-parent. If you’re planning a lavish vacation while they’re struggling financially, your child will feel that disparity. Consider scaling plans or offering to cover specific items (like new clothes for the trip) to minimize the wealth gap your child experiences between houses.
Create communication protocols for the trip itself
Once you’re actually traveling, your co-parent still needs appropriate updates. This doesn’t mean hourly check-ins, but it does mean establishing predictable communication patterns.
Before each trip, send a message: “We’ll check in each evening around 7 PM your time and FaceTime from my phone. If plans change, I’ll text you.” Then stick to it. Even if exhausted from a day at theme parks, even when the time difference makes it inconvenient, make that call.
Share photos throughout the trip, but curate them. Your co-parent doesn’t need 47 pictures of your child eating ice cream. They do appreciate a daily photo showing your child happy and safe. Use a shared photo album where you upload one or two pictures each day of travel. It keeps the other parent connected without overwhelming them.
Plan for the problems you hope won’t happen
Your child gets sick at Disney. Your flight home gets cancelled. The family reunion becomes a family disaster. When you’re traveling as co parents, these situations require immediate communication and sometimes joint decision-making.
Keep your co-parent’s information easily accessible. Not just their phone number—their email, their work number, their spouse’s number if they’re remarried. Save your custody agreement as a PDF on your phone. Keep your insurance cards photographed in a secure folder. If you need to make emergency decisions, you’ll have everything at hand.
For medical emergencies, your custody agreement likely outlines decision-making authority. But regardless of legal authority, inform your co-parent immediately. A text like “Emma fell at the pool and needed stitches. She’s okay but wanted you to know. Will call after we’re back at hotel” respects their role as parent while handling the immediate situation.
Re-entry matters more than you think
The transition back to regular schedule after travel can destabilize kids and co-parenting relationships. Plan for it. If you’re returning from a big trip right before a custody exchange, consider building in a buffer day. Flying back from Orlando on Sunday night when your ex picks up at 8 AM Monday morning sets everyone up for failure.
Send a re-entry message to your co-parent: “We land at 4 PM tomorrow. Kids are exhausted but had a great time”
Logistics matter less than the mindset. Every trip is an opportunity to demonstrate that your child has two parents who can work together, even when living apart. The calendar entries, formal notices, and passport protocols aren’t bureaucracy—they’re the infrastructure that makes memory-making possible.
Further Reading: Our Family Wizard: Co-Parenting Vacation Planning Guide
